Things sure change don’t they.
I don’t know what’s changed, I just know that it has. I have fallen into a rut from which I’m not sure how to emerge. It’s gotten into all the little crannies of my life too – my mental space, my physical energy, my ambitions, my relationships – the whole nine yards. I’ve got to beat the funk, man.
I know that I used to write to beat the funk. But I’ve forgotten how. I’ve forgotten how to use words to express myself, and I’ve forgotten how to type, and I’ve forgotten how to make writing part of any significant routine. I’ve forgotten that I used to love it and I wonder if I still could love it, if I tried hard enough. (Is forced love love at all?)
I’m probably the most dramatic person you’ve ever met, aren’t I? And you haven’t even met me. That’s okay. Sometimes writing in a dramatic fashion makes me laugh at myself and realize that I am taking life entirely too seriously. Then I can sigh and resume dealing with the mundane at a regular or moderate level of drama, rather than that in which I always seem to write. That’s what I’m aiming for here at least.
I have joked numerous times on this blog that as a third grade teacher, I’ve forgotten how to have a conversation at anything beyond an 8 year-old’s level. I’m starting to think that this is no longer a joke, and rather a sad and debilitating truth. Not only can’t I have a conversation on an adult level, I can’t think or write on an adult level either. My mental capacities are receding.
But I have this week off – away from school and away from students. Perhaps I will engage in some mental exercises, some adult reading (not in an inappropriate-rating sense…sheesh!), and some attempts at writing. I think that this may calm me, tame the drama, and help me muddle through the following four weeks before Christmas break.
Let’s do it.