Rationality escapes me tonight

Every once in a while I am convinced that I’m going crazy. I snap out of my ordinary self and become this horrible other thing. Just for a few seconds… but it’s so jarring every time. Whether I’m alone or someone has the unfortunate happenstance of being there to observe, or worse, be the target… it’s bad. Lately my brain’s been shorting out and I’ve been in an uncontrollable gloom and fog, all the time.

It’s so weird to be this off right now. I’ve had a good year. I’ve been so good for so long. Maybe it’s just the ebb and flow of life. Maybe it’s emotional exhaustion from being sick since December. Maybe it’s the wedding planning pressure. Maybe it’s work getting to me, at the expense of everything else I was doing in life. Maybe it’s all of those things, or maybe it’s something completely different. But unhappy is unhappy no matter the cause, and for now, since it took me an hour to write these short lines, maybe I’ll let myself just sink deeper into it all until I’m sound asleep.

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