the story so far

que sera, sera

What will be, will be.

Truer words were never spoken, I think. And then there’s the other old adage – the best laid plans of mice and men, often go awry. Perhaps those words are even truer than the first. Or at least equally true.

Due to my all too well-cataloged failures to take a hop, a skip, and a jump across this planet of ours, my head’s been in a bit of a messy spot for a little while now. But the easiest action is inaction, and I’ve been doing too much of that. Not to say that I haven’t been doing anything, but I just haven’t been doing anything I originally set out to do, and while we’re quoting old proverbs and such I might as well throw in there –  idle hands are the devil’s workshop. 

I don’t know about you but I don’t want my hands anywhere near the devil OR his workshop.

But with my head in this funk, it’s easy to let things slip and fall to the side. Like my blog. Like even reading my friends’ blogs. Partly it’s a matter of will power, but for the most part, when you’re in the dumps about something, it’s hard to think of other things to say, especially when all you want to do is no longer be griping on old stuff and start back on with the good stuff.

But as I’ve mentioned previously, I’d decided to do something significant in my life even if it doesn’t involve moving across the ocean. If I can’t actively pursue my extrinsic goals, the least I can do is focus on the intrinsic ones. What good would it do me anyway to be in a place I’ve worked to get to, without being the sort of person I should have been working to become? I wouldn’t be able to experience it right that way.

So I’ve made some minor improvements. I’ve started to eat healthy and get some exercise. I’ve watched less TV and read more books. I’ve started to learn to play the guitar again. I’ve gotten more sleep. And I’ve generally managed my time a little better.

But I was thinking about it today and those are still extrinsic things. They might make me a more knowledgeable person or a interesting or skilled or in-shape person. But they aren’t changing anything more substantial than that. So I’m here about to start the next step: interior change.

For me, personally, what does that mean? Well:

  • making the conscious effort to do something 100% selfless each day
  • giving people more “yes” and less “no” (within reason!)
  • forcing myself to genuinely forgive, forget, and turn the other cheek
  • making the smiles genuine, ditch the ‘resting bitch face’ thing
  • revisiting the idea of silent meditation
  • stopping myself when I’m brooding and thinking about the wonderful gifts in my life instead
  • being vocal about positive things rather than negative things

Dear lord, I sound like some ridiculous glitter-and-unicorns, happy-clappy bimbo. It all sounds cheesy, I know. But maybe that’s only because we don’t want to allow ourselves to really take a moment and focus on how good this could be for us. We don’t think it’s possible because we don’t give it a proper try.

But Proper Try is coming right up, starting today.

This way, when the ridiculously involved plans I make for my life finally fall into place, it will be the right kind of person, a deserving person, who gets to have those great experiences.


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