I am finding myself in conflict when it comes to posting on my blog. I struggled my way through NaBloPoMo, and at the end of the day, had a lot of fun with most of those posts. It was sometimes hard to remember to write daily, but once I was writing, I was usually glad to be doing so.
Now that that’s over, I’m just winded from it. I don’t want to write much of anything anymore, and when I do want to write I want to be writing with a pen, not a keyboard.
There’s another element to the conflict as well. I can’t decide what kind of direction I’d like my blog to take. For the most part I try to remain as positive as possible when I write on my blog. This is partly because I’d like it to be one place where I just don’t allow any negativity on my own part. The things I write can get pretty dark sometimes, and its nice to have a place where that isn’t the case. The flip side of the coin is that there are times when the only things I can write about have that element of darkness or unhappiness or just bare bones pain – do I just not write those here? Do I take a hiatus of undetermined time to write elsewhere, perhaps with that pen and paper?
I cannot help but to feel that being selective about which things I portray in my posts makes my blog duplicitous. Dishonest. But I cannot stand the angst of those blogs where people are just laying all their miseries out for the world. That isn’t why I write.
I am not looking for sympathy or empathy or a pat on the shoulder or a hug or any of those sorts of things. When I write my miserable little diatribes, I’m writing to process – to work through something on my own – to get it off my chest. I’m not looking for condolences and a shoulder to cry on. But I know that if I blog these darker things, the generous people of the internet will want to be exactly that for me. And that’s sweet of them, but I don’t want that.
So it seems I’m left back where I started – keeping my blog a place of lightheartedness and leaving distance between that and all the rest. That’s okay. Maybe it’s time for a little hiatus anyway.
Oh wow. This is my 200th post. Good place to go.
2 thoughts on “Conflict – Hiatus?”
I’m with you all the way, Tessa! If you really feel like you can’t write any more here, a hiatus may be necessary to be able to motivate yourself and get inspiration again.
It’s also not of any concern to me about the nature of your posts, as long as they are coming from you.