Speechless

I’ve always been one of those people who frequently doesn’t know what to say in many situations. Silence is my default anyway, as I’d prefer to listen. But there are those times when someone has said something to you that you simply have no response for.

I’m not speechless because ‘if you don’t have something nice to say then don’t say anything at all’. I don’t have anything mean to say that I’m holding back. Sometimes, I’m just stunned. I cannot process.

Sometimes this happens right when someone most needs someone to speak – to say something. That is when I feel the worst about this. I’m at a loss. It’s not that I can’t sympathize. It’s not a matter of judgment or condemnation. It’s not fear or guilt. I guess its ignorance. I can’t empathize, I can’t relate, I can’t process. I do not understand enough. Sometimes, empathy could help where sympathy fails.

At times like this I have to hope that the sympathy I’ve got means something, that the presence of a friend, silent though I may be, means something. I hope that my silence can be seen for what it is rather than creating a chasm between us. For once, I’m sorry for my silence. I wish I had the words.

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