The Art of the Booty Call

Step One: own a cellphone, preferably a phone with a touch screen, or easily pressed buttons. the glitchier the better.

Step Two: place cellphone in your pocket. preferably your back pocket. kudos if you manage it from another pocket.

Step Three: move around. sit on it. dance. wiggle. bend over. anything to frustrate your already finicky and lonely phone.

Step Four: if you hear sounds coming from your behind, especially phone-type sounds, assume that it belongs to somebody else’s phone. ignore it.

Step Five: have loud unending conversations about the person you’re most likely to have accidentally called. whether they’ve answered or you’ve got their voicemail, this is always a big it.

Congratulations! You’ve successfully completed your first booty call!

…that’s what they’re called, right? Oh shit, no! That’s a butt dial! Sorry. My dad uses the two terms interchangeably, much to my chagrin when he does so in public.

I’m sorry. This story was pointless. I just can’t convince him to use the proper term (there’s nothing proper about him so why would he use a proper term?!) But I guess we’ll have to forgive him. We all misspeak sometimes. Albeit usually less intentionally…

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