This is going to sound entirely wrong, but… what IS it about married men that just makes them more desirable?! It’s definitely not their married-ness, because that’s not something that should be taken lightly or messed with, and I have never considered crossing that boundary. But seriously. Of the interesting men I’ve encountered in the past year, all of the men I would have considered dating have turned out to be either married or engaged. And believe me, this isn’t some sort of attracted-to-the-unattainable sort of deal. I was smitten before I knew, and then I had to backpedal fast.
What I’ve come to consider now is what exactly it is that makes these men more attractive to me, or if perhaps this is just a streak of bad luck (or bad timing…)
Is it that the really good, mature but not dull, interesting men also happen to be more ready for that big of a commitment? Is it that the women these men date know what they’ve got once they’ve got it, and are pedal to the metal on sealing the deal? Is it that married or committed men are just more casual and easy going than when they’ve something to prove, and so it’s easier to befriend them? Or maybe is it really something about a committed unattainable man that attracts me? I sincerely hope that one’s not the case.
When I accidentally made a comment about this plight to a prudish co-worker a few weeks ago, she coldly told me that subconsciously all I found attractive about these men at all was their taken-ness, and that if they were single I wouldn’t look at them twice (and that all they liked about me was my single-ness-appeal… is that a thing??) She also told me to avoid even talking to married men because I could become somewhat of a home-wrecker. I think what she really meant was in the eventuality of a man agreeing to date her, that I was so stay very, very far away.
I could never be a home-wrecker. Partly because I’m not the sort of girl one leaves a commitment for, and partly because I just don’t have it in me. As easily disgruntled as I am by other women, I have a little too much compassion to be able to do a thing like that. Let’s hear it for not talking to co-workers about anything other than work…
But the fact remains. The good ones are taken. At least in the part of the world which I inhabit. I don’t doubt that there are plenty of fine specimens out there, but it leaves a girl wondering why every date-able man she encounters is about as far from date-able as can be. For now I guess I’ll stick with what our parents dutifully tell us; that we’re single because nothing good comes easily and all good things are worth waiting for …or something like that.
Oooor maybe I’ll just be content with good books, beer, and wanderlust to get me by.