Married Men

This is going to sound entirely wrong, but… what IS it about married men that just makes them more desirable?! It’s definitely not their married-ness, because that’s not something that should be taken lightly or messed with, and I have never considered crossing that boundary. But seriously. Of the interesting men I’ve encountered in the past year, all of the men I would have considered dating have turned out to be either married or engaged. And believe me, this isn’t some sort of attracted-to-the-unattainable sort of deal. I was smitten before I knew, and then I had to backpedal fast.

What I’ve come to consider now is what exactly it is that makes these men more attractive to me, or if perhaps this is just a streak of bad luck (or bad timing…)

Is it that the really good, mature but not dull, interesting men also happen to be more ready for that big of a commitment? Is it that the women these men date know what they’ve got once they’ve got it, and are pedal to the metal on sealing the deal? Is it that married or committed men are just more casual and easy going than when they’ve something to prove, and so it’s easier to befriend them? Or maybe is it really something about a committed unattainable man that attracts me? I sincerely hope that one’s not the case.

When I accidentally made a comment about this plight to a prudish co-worker a few weeks ago, she coldly told me that subconsciously all I found attractive about these men at all was their taken-ness, and that if they were single I wouldn’t look at them twice (and that all they liked about me was my single-ness-appeal… is that a thing??) She also told me to avoid even talking to married men because I could become somewhat of a home-wrecker. I think what she really meant was in the eventuality of a man agreeing to date her, that I was so stay very, very far away.

I could never be a home-wrecker. Partly because I’m not the sort of girl one leaves a commitment for, and partly because I just don’t have it in me. As easily disgruntled as I am by other women, I have a little too much compassion to be able to do a thing like that. Let’s hear it for not talking to co-workers about anything other than work…

But the fact remains. The good ones are taken. At least in the part of the world which I inhabit. I don’t doubt that there are plenty of fine specimens out there, but it leaves a girl wondering why every date-able man she encounters is about as far from date-able as can be. For now I guess I’ll stick with what our parents dutifully tell us; that we’re single because nothing good comes easily and all good things are worth waiting for …or something like that.

Oooor maybe I’ll just be content with good books, beer, and wanderlust to get me by.

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5 thoughts on “Married Men

  1. Yes Tessa, I feel most married men (like women) take some steps back and chill out once married and then they appear more attractive.. 😊 The man you choose, when you are ready to settle down will be very lucky. 😚
    What a buzz kill your co-worker is..

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You are not a home-wrecker. Rather, you are honest about yourself and your feelings.

    Every so often I wear a ring on my left hand, turn the diamond around backward, such that it will resemble a wedding band. Silly experiment I know, and a bit deceiving. Then I go about my business – go to the market, do some shopping. Women seem more relaxed around me – as if I have been vetted by one of their own.

    I can’t be ALL that bad.

    My thoughts on the subject, though I am unmarried, are that women (generally speaking) are followers. And if another woman thinks this guy is marriage material, why not follow her lead? Women want a man that will commit. Check. Women want a man who can handle a relationship. Check.

    Conversely, the married women I know (church, mostly) seem to have their act together.

    Lastly, good people know other good people. So those those nice married men you admire. . .they know nice unmarried men. Worth getting to know their wives and ask for a referral.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s an interesting theory, and I like your take on it. I like your little experiment as well, though when I’ve worn a band on my left hand it’s been to deter people.
      I’d say you’d hit the nail on the head about a man being vetted by another woman, except that my blunder tends to be not noticing (or thinking to look for) the ring on the finger. Oops. But you’re right about good people knowing good people, I should investigate that avenue, I hadn’t really thought of it before.

      Liked by 1 person

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