mumbling of an imbecile

Funky Phobias

My mind wanders a lot, often to places seldom visited by normal people I suspect. People talk about going on tangents, but my tangents go for so long I can never find my way back to the original topic. Well, almost never.

My tangents tend to end in weird places, with conclusions logical thought would never arrive at. Sometimes that’s funny, sometimes it starts weird phobias. Sometimes it’s both.

I’ll give you an example.

I have a little nerve damage in my hands – I don’t know why, it comes and goes. But sometimes it makes my fingertips go numb for a couple days. Sometimes it makes my thumbs shake uncontrollably. Today it was the thumbs. I was carrying my dinner plate and my thumb started to shake. I can’t grip things when they do that. So I’m there, unable to set the plate down anywhere, laden as it was with my dinner, and I’m trying to grip it as hard as I can so as not to drop it.

Where does my mind go? See if you follow this. So I’m thinking Ow, thumb hurts. Oh no, it feels like it’ll break if I try to grip it any harder. Must. Keep. Gripping. Yikes, what if my thumbs fell off?? Or just stopped working?? I wouldn’t have opposable thumbs! How could I function without opposable thumbs? I wonder if I could keep my job. I hate my job anyway. I wonder what kind of jobs hire people without thumbs. Oh shit would I not be allowed to join the Peace Corps?!

See how I was going a little nuts here? Where would my life go? Wait, where is my life going now? What am I doing with my time? Man, I can’t wait to find a career I love. Do most people end up finding that eventually? God I really hope I do. I don’t know how I’d function if I thought I’d never get to that point. Good thing I’m somehow functioning now. Maybe I’m a strong person. I hope I’m a strong person. I have to be – I got through Valentine’s Day alone. Ha. Thumbs. Who needs thumbs? Well, me. I need thumbs. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITHOUT THUMBS??

Well. I’m drinking wine now, with my thumbs. I guess they’ll stick around for a while more.

Thumbs up for wine, always.


2 thoughts on “Funky Phobias”

Say Something...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s