the story so far

Oh Baby!?

You see these posts these days about how all your friends are married or having babies and you’re just sitting there like ‘pass the vodka’ or whatnot, but when it really gets crazy is when it’s your little sister.

She got married three months ago, and we’ve known for about a month that she’s pregnant, but we just found out today that she is 9 weeks along. Today she had her first sonogram, and the little one inch Peanut Baby is the darn-cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

But I mean, what is this? What is this life, these things that keep on comin around? The part where she’s married hasn’t even sunken in, ya know? Now I have to wrap my head around the fact that she’s having a baby. I don’t think that will be sinking in any time soon my friends.

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And yeah, that’s right. She’s my younger sister. (Well, one of 5 younger sisters.) My little sister is married and starting a real life family. And here I am blogging and eating extremely sugary cereal because that’s all that’s in my kitchen and I’m too lazy to get off the couch and go grocery shopping.

Flummoxed. That’s the word I guess. I’ve liked that word since I was about six. It amazes me that some people can have come so far and have so much of their shit together, even if they don’t have their shit together, and others can be so very stranded in the middle of nowhere.

With the exception of the fact that I have never been more excited for the new addition of a family member, this isn’t about me at all. That’s refreshing. So many of my thoughts are throttling me, drowning me, scattering me even further than I was scattered before. And man, I’ve been scattered. But this is something new. Something completely expected and yet completely foreign. What it is is one of the greatest things that could happen to this family, on a whole lot of levels, if you ask me.

It’s good for them – they’ll need to grow up a little, step up to the plate, mature faster than any other way. That’s what happens to any parent, no matter when parenthood comes upon a couple. It’ll be good. It’ll be good for me – maybe for the first time I’ll get to see a functioning family not twisted and distorted by passive aggressive hatred. I really need that. It’ll be good for my siblings to see the same thing. It’ll be good for my dad to hold at least one grandchild in his lifetime. Who knows if he’ll hold another. It’ll be good for Ian’s family – they need a little bundle of joy to soften their cold-ass hearts and let their family try to be whole. It’s good for so many reasons.

This is a good thing. Very good.

But where is my life going?

4 thoughts on “Oh Baby!?”

  1. aww congratulations to your whole family! When you ask: “where is my life going?” I think this is ALWAYS a valid question, but it sounds like there’s an answer already in what you’ve written. I think a focus (not your whole focus) should be this little peanut because it sounds like a wonderful aunt is in order. Children can never have too many solid adult role-models as they grow. I’m 30 weeks pregnant with my first (eek!) and I am so relieved I have so many people in my life I can rely on to keep this kid grounded and feeling loved and valued always. My childhood was pretty full on with drama but the same goes, no matter what happened not once did I ever feel there was nowhere to go. You know the saying “it takes a village to raise a child?” Be chief of your village now, and you never know how this will change you, your perspective and your journey. xxx


    1. Thank you for this comment, it was very thought provoking. Congratulations on your first child! You’ve really given me something to think about here, and in a way I can see that it’s been right under my nose. There’s no way that I won’t insist on being a big part of my sister’s kid’s life, I’m just a little lost in finding a way to stay close enough to do that when my plans were about to take me thousands of miles away.


  2. I’m only 17, but seriously, I CAN NOT wait till I grow up enough to get married and have my own baby. That may be weird on a current teen scene level, but heck, I don’t care. I’m ahead of my curve. I want to be taken seriously, and just feel LOVED. What better than someone who was literally a part of me? I got in to the boy band thing only when I was 13. For a year. Then I told myself to think rationally because that boy band was the Backstreet Boys. Yes. And Justin Bieber. Anyways, then I fell in depression and decided to move on to better prospects and recently started blogging.

    In case of the “where is my life going?” thing, it’s going many places, I’ll bet. And this is really a good thing. The fact that you’re thinking about this and worrying about it already shows that this kid has a good role model and that you’ll find a path. It’s easy to go wrong with kids, especially when they’re teens and usually there’s nothing you can do about it. We tend to form our own opinions which is maybe influenced by our peers’ opinions, depending on the kid in question. But I’m sure you know that. There’s almost always a way to fix things, though. And I agree with Amelia. There’s always a way to go. My depression days taught me that. I started looking for a way up, and it took a lot of time, but I did find a way. I think my lingering faith in my ambitions and dreams keep me afloat.

    And to conclude. OMAHGAWDDATSATINYBABYITSSOCUTEITSSOCUTE!!!!! I love babies. I don’t usually like the parents, but I love babies. In case it wasn’t apparent.

    Ps. (I apologize in case I missed the point of this post, because I feel that reading blogs while still groggy from sleep isn’t a good idea.)


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